I’m actually not sure what I wrote the last time I did an update, I guess I could look but I’m not going to and will just write.  I admit I am really horrible about updating, especially when I am unsure what to say or how I actually feel.  I don’t want to just put my words out there before know what my feeling are.  By now, everyone knows how disappointed I was about the Olympics.  The wound is still a gaping hole, it has gotten a little easier to bare now that the Olympics has come and gone but I feel like I was robbed and I wont get that opportunity back in my lifetime.

For the past two years my cycling life has not been easy because of the choices I have made.  Definitely I had some guidance that had gone awry, weather it was ill intended or not ultimately it was my decision and I followed what I thought was right at the time.  There are still a lot of unanswered questions and maybe I will never get the answers to them but I will try to move on.  They say “time will heal…”  blah blah blah, maybe me stuffing my feeling down really deep will heal.  (sarcasm)

Changing teams, yet again in the middle of the season was not ideal… but it happened so trying to make the best of it is what I do.  I am very satisfied with my transfer, Cylance has welcomed me with open arms and I am very pleased to wear there kit.  They have been nothing but helpful, accommodating, and motivating.  Although I have mixed feeling about my results thus far representing them.  I have had several top 10’s in the Women’s World Tour Races, but for me this is not satisfying.  I want to be on the podium.  I feel like it’s time and yesterday I just couldn’t make it happen racing at Plouay.  Although finishing in the front group I really botched the sprint finish.  Maybe I was too oxygen deprived to make the right choice in the sprint but this is part of racing.  On the other hand I was please with how I raced, no one coming into the race (besides Manel) would have thought I would have made the front select group of riders.  I fought hard yesterday and I should be proud of the result.  Corey (my coach) had to remind me that it’s pretty incredible that I am able to race this well considering everything that has happened in the last couple of month.

On the outside you know part of the story but there is much much more that I have dealt with this season that has gone untold.  Sometimes I think to myself is this real?  Why can’t it just be easy?  I guess if it was easy then everyone would do it…

Bottom line, racing my bike doesn’t define me.  I hope I have impacted and influence people in a positive way and I hope to continue to do so.  I’m not sure what lies ahead, but I know the bike has taught me important life lessons and I will continue to grow and learn as a person.

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